From Carlo Suares:
In some detective novels, at a point similar to this, the author sometimes
challenges the readers. They have all the clues. Can they find who the murderer
is? The question here is somewhat different: can the reader guess what the
author thinks he can murder him psychologically with?.. (There are two kinds of
deaths: the dead death and the death of resurrection. I do not care to know
whether it is possible or not to resurrect dead bodies. It is irrelevant.)
Of course the reader will only find here words, words. He will not die
psychologically unless he plays the game. If he plays the game he may or may
not, at his will.
Here is the game.
"Have you in mind any basic fundamental question, really vital for you?"
asks C.S. to a friend.
"I have," says X.Y.Z., "three fundamental
questions: What is living? What is death? What is life?"
them already and am sorry to say they are not basic. When you ask: what is
living? that question stands upon, is supported by, your notion of living. That
notion is not fundamental: it rests on the concept "living" as opposed to
"non-living". Dig into it and you will see that the concept "living" is a
conclusion, an abstraction, a projection of the mind. When you ask "what is
death?" you complicate the matter still further. As I already said, you oppose
arbitrarily death to life. When you ask "what is death?", you are implicitly and
unknowingly asking "what is birth?" Do you want an answer based on biology,
ethnology or natural history? And of course, when you ask "what is life?", you
are sure to receive innumerable answers. Scientists, metaphysicians, mystics, or
anybody around the corner, will tell you "what life is". Everyone has his notion
of what life is. This question is anything but fundamental."
"But I have
no idea of what life really is. My question is really fundamental."
isn't. You have in mind, again, the distinction between that life is and that it is not. Do you consider it to be a state of ceaseless change, a
functional activity peculiar to organized matter? Or is it a mental projection
resulting from such assertions as "I am life," etc. . . supposed to have been
uttered by some deity? Whatever you mean by "what is life" has an enormous
background of knowledge, observation, creed or faith. It is not a fundamental
question. It is based on a qualification and a classification resulting of an
inner feeling of "being" and an outward superficial observation of things that
are considered a priori to be alive."
"All right. So what are the
"Not the questions: there is one and there can
only be ONE fundamental question; don't you see? Two questions would not be
basic: they would arise from two different points of view, concepts or
perceptions, hence they would contain a cause unknown to you, for being two.
They would be effects of that cause. An effect is not fundamental, nor is the
cause, because a cause is always the effect of another cause. By definition, the
basic question is based on nothing. It arises from the nature and structure of
thought in its clearest perception."
"I don't know what you are talking
"Of course you don't. You do. I have formulated the fundamental
question in every one of my books, lectures, articles. You have read it a number
of times in the last twenty years. I always declared it to be basic."
mean I skipped it and it is fundamental?"
"No. You skipped it because it
"Let's drop your rigmarole and come to the point. What
"We've gone a longer way than you think towards it. Will you
now, please, keep in mind everything you know, believe in, think about;
everything you feel to be obvious, every certainty, such as the simple fact that
we are both here, talking together. . . or, reader, the obvious fact that you
are reading this. Now, if you came to play the game, keep in mind everything,
conscious or unconscious that is in your mind, and even the fact that you exist,
keep it all under your scrutiny so as to be sure that you will not use any part
of it, absolutely not. Shut your eyes, open them, make a statement. State
"I see something."
"Wake up! You are not playing the
game. Discard the I and the seeing."
"Well! There is something anyway."
"Correct. There is something. And if you are honestly playing the game,
you are not satisfied in totally containing, limiting, classifying the things
you see as: this is a book, a room, or anything else. The immediate causes for
their being what they are and for being there do not explain away how it is that
they are there at all. You know nothing about that. Your consciousness is in a
state of waking up to the blunt, absolute unchallengable fact that there is
something, period. This statement is so simple that it is already difficult to
come to it. Any average mind, dreaming its childish dream, would say: of course
there is something! And to prove its point, it would describe the outer world
with the notion that every element it is obvious because it is perceived and
recognizable through some equivalence. That obviousness of things acts as a
screen to the fact that everything is included in the unknowable nature of time
and space. We have now gone a long way towards the statement there is something,
because on the way we have acquired the capacity of knowing that we don't know
fundamentally what it is that is. So what is the basic question that arises?"
"What is it that is?"
"No, no: you are falling asleep again.
Your question is an appeal to link something that you cannot think about to
something that belongs to one or another of your memories. You want to exchange the
unthinkable for the thinkable. You are trying to draw upon the provisions stored
in your mind. As I said a while ago: think. Think with the naked intrinsic
nature and structure of thought. Thought is made of time and space and cannot
understand time or space: thought does not understand itself. So think!"
(Please reader, this is vital: Think!)
"Well... there is
something... I do not allow myself to recognize any part in it, because, of
course, I would not be thinking: I would only be searching concepts in my
repertory of classified words. I am therefore compelled to state that I simply
don't know how it is that that which is is here at all."
"We have come at
last to the fundamental question; how is it there is anything at all? Can you
"No. I have already seen through the texture of thought.
Its nature is time, its structure is measures. So I cannot think how it is that
"That's it! I can think five billion light-years or one
billion's part of a second, but I cannot think a beginning of time, or a time
that has already always been. I cannot think a something created out of
nothing - and anyway a nothing pregnant with a future something would already be
something. I cannot think an always, always, and when I go deeper and deeper in
it I feel insanity awaiting. An always always before and an always always after.
. . always always go into it. . . If you tried to go into it, to feel it, to
mean it, if you could for a single moment try to live with the notion that the
something that you are compelled to assert has never begun and will never end,
you would soon have your thought declare itself at its end. You have discarded
as being already something the erroneous alternative of a
nothing-out-of-which-something-was-created. So only the unthinkable is left."
That is the end of the dialogue.
The weapon for your psychological murder and resurrection is in you. It is up to
you. It is up to you to allow it to go through you.
During one whole day
keep it in mind. Do whatever job you have to do. Meet whatever people you have
to meet. During one whole day keep on saying to yourself:
I do not know
how it is that anything is.
I meet a Christian, a Jew, a Moslem
It is irrelevant
Would deities be something?
not know how it is that anything is.
Some say there is a liberation
A facing oneself,
It is irrelevant
Would such things be something?
I do not know how it is that anything
Some say: who am I?
I am not this gross body
I am this gross
What is the nature of awareness?
What is the self?
Is there a
There is a self.
There is no self.
The world is to be removed
It is not to be removed
What is the nature of the mind?
There is a
path to inquiry.
There is no path
I must practice
I must not
Everything is the Siva, the Self.
Give yourself up to God
Whether such things are or are not
It is irrelevant
I do not know how it is that anything is.
I do not know, I do not know. I do
not know. In your religions, philosophies, wisdoms, paths, no-paths; in your
self-knowledge, your assertions, no-assertions, in whatever you say, not say,
do, not do; in your petty exalted minds; in your self-centredness non-centered;
in your conflicts, peace; wherever you are, however you blend with the All; you
are satisfied in evading the fundamental devastating question; you stop at some
point; you do not go far enough; you do not enter the dangerous zone; you cling
to erroneous evidences, you do not go through.
I cannot go through
My consciousness is a prisoner
A prisoner in the immeasurable world
However large and deep
The "is" is a prison to my
I do not know
I know nothing
What is this?
And I am
And because I cannot go through and because I do not
consent to stop asking myself and not being able to say how it is that anything
is, the question hits me right in my solar plexus; it causes nausea; I feel
sick; I feel in my blood my psyche dying. Yes. It is driven to its death because
every element of what once was its structure is dissolved in the fundamental
enigma, in the unfathomable mystery of the fact that something is.
If you are not afraid to "lose your
mind", if you play the game with great purpose and vigor, you will discover that
what you are doing is obeying the Aleph's impulse in your psyche to free itself
from all the memories that capture it, anaesthetize it, or, alas, more often
than not, annihilate it. Your psyche becomes the empty dwelling of the Explosive
Energy, whereas your body is more and more cognizant of its conservative,
compressive purpose. Psyche and body, "in joint opposition" recreate in you the
cosmic game of the One Energy in two opposite directions, and the human sense of
fitness is alive and operating in and through you.
Be watchful! Never,
never lose the fundamental question: Your fitness is no answer! Let not the
established order in you trap you into any certainty. You know, yet do not know
that the Cosmic Energy is at work in its abode in you. You know yet you do not
know what its process is. You understand yet you do not understand the words
Explosive-Compressive Energy. You no longer hear what so many people have to say
about spiritual experiences, self-realization, good and evil, irreality and
reality, being in a dream, being awake. You don't know. You don't know what the
ultimate reality of a person, a flower an object is. Therefore you are free to
look, to see, to respect, because, after all, there never is any murder.
"Because I respect everything," says Cain, "I am only an orderly
craftsman. Because I respect the psyche I do not want it to give itself, to
prostitute itself to every false obviousness in which Aleph is lost. Because I
respect thought I do not want it to believe that it can find Aleph, hence lose
it. Because I respect words I only accept those that have a real, understandable
meaning, signifying a clear designation. I, because of Aleph alive, am only its
humble craftsman. I want every Bayt I make use of to be as perfect as possible,
in its category. I therefore respect my body to begin with. I want it in good
enough shape to do whatever the unknown inner impulse of explosive Aleph in me
can do with my abilities. Because I respect my abilities I put them at the
service of Aleph, polishing them endlessly. Yes! I am only Aleph's craftsman."
Some understand Cain, die and
resurrect psychologically. Others don't know what he is talking about: he
doesn't exist for them; they go on carrying the weight of their ordinary
existences; they are satisfied to think they are this or that; they are their
beliefs, creeds, opinions, positions, aspirations, habits, customs, memories and
all their psychological structures. Those feel instinctively that Cain's look
into them, through them, could dispel their very notion of being. Those, indeed,
kill Cain. Mind you! They kill him in themselves! Hence, they remain simple
bags of blood, and Cain, in contrast, is exalted "sevenfold".